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I don't want to work, I want to bash on the Pack all day

January 20, 2011 - Ron Deuter
I’m loving all the hype surrounding Sunday’s Bears-Pack game. My favorite headline of the week so far came from the Chicago Sun Times:

“No matter what, Green Bay fans can't change their Green Bayness.”

I’ve also come across a number of classic jokes. Enjoy...

How can you tell if a Packer fan is mad at you? When they grit their tooth at you

Why does Lambeau Field have natural Grass? The cheerleaders need somewhere to graze.

What do Packer fans and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up

Why did Milwaukee get turned down to have a professional football team? The NFL said,"sorry but then Green Bay will want one too."

Why do people from Green Bay go to Lambeau when there is a Tornado Warning? Because there are no touchdowns there.

What is the difference between a Packer fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.

What do you call a beautiful girl in Green Bay? A tourist.

What do you call a blind date with a Packer Backer? Brown-bagging it.

What’s the real reason that women from Green Bay can always keep their figures? No one else wants them.

What do you call a good looking woman with a Packer fan? A hostage

What’s the difference between a porcupine and Lambeau Field? The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

What do cheeseheads and hemorrhoids have in common? They’re both a pain in the butt and never seem to go away completely.

How do you save a drowning Packer fan? Take your foot off his head.

What do you call a Packer fan with half a brain? Gifted.

###

A Packer fan went to the State Fair and won a duck. when she walked home through Milwaukee, she noticed this bum right on a rough street in Milwaukee, the bum asked, "Where did you get the pig?" the woman said "This is a duck, not a pig, you bum!" the bum said, "I was talking to the duck!"

###

A Bears fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Packer fans?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Packer fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Packer fan, and the guy sitting next ot him is 6'5" 280 pounds and he's a packer fan too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?" The Bears fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

###

There is this guy from Green Bay (Packers fan) driving to Chicago and this guy from Chicago (Bears fan) driving to Green Bay. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying in different directions. The Packer fan manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage he looks at his twisted car and says "man I am lucky to be alive". Likewise the Bears fan scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage and he too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck". The Bear fan walks over to the Packer fan and says "Hey man I think this is a sign from god that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of rivals". The Packer fan thinks for a moment and says "you know your absolutely right we should be friends lets see what else survived this wreck". So the bear fan pops his trunk and finds a bottle full of Jack Daniels. He says to the packer fan "I think this is another sign from god that we should toast to our newfound understanding and friendship". The packer fan says "your right" he takes the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Bear fan hands it back to the Bear fan and says "your turn". The bear fan twists the cap back on the bottle and says "nah I think I will wait for the cops to show up".

###

Two Green Bay Packer fans are hunting out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

###

A sports reporter is walking by a park near Soldier Field when he comes upon two boys, about ages 9 or 10, playing football. All of a sudden, a bulldog runs from the bushes and starts attacking one of the children. The other boy runs to a tree and pulls of a dead branch and beats the bulldog off of his friend, killing the hound. The reporter sees this and thinks to himself, "I have got to write about this!" He walks over to the kids and says, "I just saw what you did to save your friend and I want to write an article about it. Could you just take a look a the headline for it?" The kid nods and looks at the paper and sees the headline, "Little Chicago Bear Fan Saves Friend's Life." He says, "Well that's good, but I'm not a Bears fan." The reporter nods and writes another headline:"9 Year-old Minnesota Viking Fan Fends off Vicious Attack." The child nods again but says, "That's good too, but I'm not a Viking fan." The sports reporter says, "Well, I thought every little boy in the Midwest was either a Bears or Vikings fan. Who do you root for?" The child smiles and proudly says, "I'm a Packer fan." The next day he opened the paper and found his headline:"Violent Cheesehead Murders Beloved Family Pet"

 
 

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