Knowing what to say

Do we find that sometimes, we just don’t know the right words to say. There just isn’t a right or wrong way to speak at certain times. There is just the idea that we need to say something.

My aunt died this week. She had lived a full life. She wasn’t a very close aunt but she was related to me on my mother’s side. My mother’s brother was married to her. I remember her growing up. She has three daughters and they all live down south. Once upon a time, I played together with them, had holidays together with them and grew up together with them. But those times changed. The cousins moved on. The cousins married, divorced, had kids and now some of them have grandchildren. Time moved on. The cousins changed and got older. My aunt got older. I grew up and got older. That happens.

So finding out that my aunt was gone, I called my cousins to offer my condolences. After calling a couple of times, the cousin closest to me in age answered. I said, “Hello, Kim (her name) this is your cousin, Angie. Just heard about Auntie Nell. I am so sorry.” We chatted for several more minutes and finally closed our conversation. I was glad I called. I had done the right thing and honored my aunt's memory.

What else do you say? Her mom died. There are no words that can bring her back. There really wasn’t anything I could do way up here to help. (I am 1400 miles from my southern home.) And what do you offer to do because you really don’t know what the family needs? Do they need money for funeral expenses? Would they like flowers sent? Do they just need to hear that you are thinking of them?

I relied on what a good friend told me once upon a time. Just say. “what comes from your heart.” Just be there for the person that is suffering a loss. Offer to help if you can. And most of all, love that person because they really need that at that time in their life.

I haven’t seen or talked to these cousins in a very long time. I offered what I could and said what I needed to say. My wish is that they know that I am truly thinking and praying for them. My advice to anyone that just doesn’t know what to do or say, be there for your friend or family when they lose a loved one. Make sure you tell them “what comes from your heart.”