EDITOR:Greetings from deep in a food tunnel in North Dickinson County. I had written earlier that I would let you know how we were getting along in this tunnel business since the sand dunes moved in.
We decided to dig on our own hook since there were a few amenities we wanted to add that the government wouldn't cover.
First, a bomb shelter because there may be more sinister plans behind all this. You never know. And we wanted to make it kind of "homey," carpeting and all that. We were able to get solar panels very cheaply from the sale of a company in California that had gone belly up.
I can see why because they aren't working out very well. They get covered with dust and sand and you have to clean them off about every hour. We thought maybe we could teach our camels to spit at them and wash them off but they won't do anything you want them to do.
I'm sorry; that's a stretch.
On a more serious note, we had just started working on the reason for all this, the food part, when upon entering the tunnel one day, my wife screamed, "Look, the canary is dead."
Well we beat a hasty retreat out of there. After some hours of airing it our we went in to investigate and found that a colony of bats moved in. The canary had probably objected but, being vastly outnumbered had come our second best in the struggle.
An inspecting official that came by said the bats were protected, good for the environment, and we weren't to mess with them. We have put in for a grant from the Homeland Security Department for protective clothing and head gear but haven't heard anything as yet.
We've moved all of our canned food and things in for safe keeping and we've got cabbage, rutabagas and turnips growing in the walls. I had a crazy notion we could grow carrots upside down in the ceiling but watering would be a problem and of course there are the bats hanging all over.
But, we got 'er done, as they say and only time will tell how it all works out. We'll let you know.