Dear Annie: Perhaps you can help me understand the biggest mystery of my life. I was an unwanted, unloved child — a third girl with a brother three years younger than me. My oldest sister, who is 10 years my senior, was a child born in an earlier marriage. She lived with her maternal grandmother until she was about 12 or 13, and her grandmother gave her anything she wanted. Then she came to live with the “new” family when my mother had been remarried for a year or so.

All of these children were my mother’s “darlings.” I was pretty much marginalized and expected to take care of everyone else partly by asking for nothing. It became this way more and more over the years. My mother — and I found this out gradually — had been calling my classmates’ parents in grade school, giving bad reports about me. The result was that I never had any friends. She continued doing this throughout my adult life, calling neighbors, people I worked for, and even college professors. Virtually anyone she knew I had contact with. Unbelievable but true. She sabotaged most of my life in this way. Later my sisters engaged in this activity.

After I began to discover all of this from a few brave people who informed me that they had received a call from a family member that was uncomplimentary, I started to question my situation and confronted my mother about this. I also could no longer block out of my mind that the way I had been treated in my family was abusive and dehumanizing. And that became a huge issue for me.

My family’s response was to intensify the abuse, and when that didn’t stop me from trying to deal with the situation by bringing up how differently I had been treated, and that it was unfair to me, what became apparent was the “hidden” animosity toward me that had always been there. A clinical psychologist I had seen stated that she believed there was “pathological jealousy” motivating the behavior I was subjected to. However, this is an unsatisfying answer to me, partly because they generally acted as if I were inferior to them — that they were entitled to good but I was not.

I ended up moving and had no contact for a long time. I also realized how little I knew about them. All of this has left me with a lot of scars but no answers. I have read articles about parental rejection and cases where one child is ostracized and mistreated. But these are not giving me answers either.

If you can make any sense of this, please let me know what you think. Even generalized answers as to “why” might be helpful. In my late 60s, I am considering trying to find a qualified counselor by phone, as there are not many resources where I live. Of course, if you place my question in print, please keep me anonymous.

One other question: I have tried to write my entire story since it is so complex, but I get to a certain point in writing, and I can’t stand to think about it. Should I continue anyway? — Black Sheep

Dear Black Sheep: I am sorry that you have suffered so much trauma from your family. What your mother and now sisters did to you was cruel. It sounds like a modern-day Cinderella story. Yes, I’m sure your therapist was correct in identifying their jealousy of you — just as the mother and evil stepsisters were jealous of Cinderella’s beauty and kindness. Now that you know the why, you can see how truly unhappy they must be. It must be awful to treat your own daughter so cruelly.

My hope is that you found, or will find, your Prince Charming and will be able to put the past in the past. It is never too late. You sound like an amazing person, and I would encourage you to keep looking for a qualified counselor by phone.

As for writing your story — the details of your past traumas — this can be very helpful in your recovery. If it becomes overwhelming, reach out to friends for support.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now. Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.