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Back to work. Bittersweet.

June 4, 2014 - Theresa Proudfit
This is my first official week back to work since Miss Kalli Jean entered my life. Technically I came back Friday but with a split shift and a weekend to follow it didn't quite feel like I was back.

Being a new mother at 41 years old is a strange reality. I've taken care of many children in my life starting back when I was a mere 10 years old. Summer babysitting jobs taught me to care for infants and my nieces lived in the same household as me for a couple of years. I've changed thousands of diapers and been kept awake in the middle of the night many times. Still at the end of the day I was not completely responsible for these children.

Being able to stay home and care for my "Kalico Bean" after she was born was wonderful, but the last 12 weeks have been wonderfully exhausting.

New mothers know the routine. Change the baby, feed the baby, rock the baby, play with the baby, change the baby, feed the baby, rock the baby, play with the baby. Nursing mothers can add pumping into that sequence. If you find time to take a shower, eat something yourself and go to the bathroom you are a super mom.

Don't get me wrong I was grateful to have this awesome bonding time with my "Peanut Butter Pie", but it was time to get back to work. My first day was slightly unsettling. It felt like I was doing something wrong, or forgetting something all day. There was no diaper bag or car seat to carry every time I got out of the car and no one in my arms through out the day. It was a strange mix of emptiness and freedom. While I loved going to the bathroom myself and being able to have a complete a thought without interruption, my heart ached for my sweet "Kalzone".

As expected it got easier. After pestering my niece Savahnna, Kalli's nanny, with "How is she doing" nearly 5 times a day it occurred to me she was fine. Better than that, she was happy. She loves her "Nanny". Plus at half my age Savahnna has much more energy than I do. She is the perfect temporary replacement for me during the day.

Maybe if "Kuteness Everdeen" didn't have such excellent care it would be harder for her mommy to go to work everyday, but as it is I'm happy to be back. Of course I do spend my lunch periods with Miss Kalli. Only another hour and I can change the baby, feed the baby, rock the baby and play with the baby so Savahnna can go to the bathroom, eat lunch and finish a complete thought.


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