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Perspective shift helps manage family drama

Dear Annie: When our son was born eight years ago this month, my husband and I were excited to have family from both sides come and help us and be there to support us.

We had been told by many people, both at the hospital and birthing classes, what to expect. Quite the opposite happened, and while it was a confusing and difficult time for us, we got through it together.

However, as time went on, we felt both sides of our extended families struggle with accepting the changes we made in how often we spent time with them (we were truly doing our very best; we both came from close-knit families and were very family-focused people).

It was an incredibly difficult season in our young lives as a family, and it almost split us apart for good.

We got the counseling we needed and now have a better support system and things have, for the most part, been worked out since then. It’s been a long, tiresome and stressful journey. I often felt it was unneeded and traumatizing, considering we loved our relatives very much and were trying to do our best.

My family lives nearby, and my husband’s is four to six hours away, depending on if you’re traveling with a young child and need to make frequent stops.

I’m so very touched by “Grandma Already,” this wise and genuine grandma who doesn’t mind “sharing” her grandchild and is just happy to know that her son and his family are getting the love and support they need and deserve.

More grandparents would be wise to listen and learn from her and try to give their now-grown children the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you for taking the time to post her letter. I pray more people choose the “high road” when it comes to loving loved ones. — Been There, Don’t Want to Do That

Dear Been There, Don’t Want to Do That: I am printing your letter because it brings up some good points. One is that you acknowledge how difficult it was for you at the time and that the difficulty might have impacted some of your decision-making. Two, you talk about taking the high road. Looking at others from their perspective always helps for more harmonious relationships.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now. Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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