Dear Annie: I am concerned that my wife has given up on life and there is nothing I can do to help.

For background, I am a 67-year-old man, and my wife is around the same age. We married about 20 years ago, and she was able-bodied and working.

She has multiple health issues. She is at high risk for cardiovascular problems, based on family history. She was put on a statin and something for blood pressure. She has asthma and frequent coughing spells. Over time, she has repeatedly resisted medical testing. She has never had a mammogram or a colonoscopy.

More recently, she started to develop some kind of neurological symptoms. I got her to go to a neurologist and the preliminary screening suggested possible Parkinson’s. A second neuro appointment was inconclusive. They referred her for an MRI or some type of scan, and at that point, she refused to go further in finding out what was wrong. Since then, her ability to stand and walk have gotten worse. She can only walk short distances with assistance. She needs help getting in and out of bed or a chair. She cannot get in or out of the shower.

Every effort I have made to help her has been frustrated. She has not been to a doctor for years, going back before the COVID epidemic. She no longer gets refills for her medications, and she doesn’t take them anyway. We had the bath tub modified to help her step into it. She has not used it since it was completed. I had a stair lift installed to help her get up and down the stairs. She has never used it and asked me to get it removed.

The combination of physical problems means that that she is at risk of death or injury almost all the time. She could die of heart attack or stroke. She has frequent choking or near-choking incidents, almost every time she eats. And every trip up or downstairs, or a trip from bed to the bathroom could mean a fall and serious injury.

I have just about given up on trying to convince her to do anything about her medical condition. If I even hint at it she just says, “No more doctors.”

Is there something I can do to get her to see a doctor? If not, maybe we can do something to make daily life safer. — Frustrated Caregiver

Dear Frustrated: The way your wife is living is not just dangerous for her; it’s debilitating to all those around her. Her refusal to seek care and resistance to even basic safety measures could signal neurological changes or mental challenges like depression.

You can’t force her to seek help, but you can try a different approach. Perhaps a licensed therapist or social worker who specializes in chronic illness or elder care would be a less intimidating place to start.

In the meantime, your instinct to focus on safety is wise. Reach out to a home health agency or a geriatric care manager. Even if your wife won’t engage with them directly, they can help assess your home and suggest ways to reduce fall risks or choking hazards.

Lastly, you need support, too. A caregiver support group or counselor can help you manage the emotional toll and give you tools to cope, whether or not your wife decides to engage.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.