DANIEL J. PAUL

In my article in April titled “When Parents Fail to Lead,” I discussed parents establishing and enforcing boundaries. This article’s primary focus will center on parental examples and their effect on children.

A mirror reflects an image of someone or something. So it goes with our children. As parents, we stand in front of our children and during this time, they are observing and learning from us (our reflection):

— When we lie;

— When we attempt to control and denigrate others through actions/speech;

— When we do not take accountability for our speech/actions;

— When we constantly change the rules, only when it is beneficial to us;

— When we never let go of past hurts and hold grudges; and

— When we seldom apologize for our mistakes and wrongdoings.

This list could continue for pages, but you get the message. When we demonstrate these negative actions to our children, understand that they are learning and incorporating some, if not all, of these into their persona. As they mature, this is embedded and could be almost subconsciously reflected in their actions and behaviors. They not only can impact friendships, colleagues, spouses, work and social life, but most importantly their own children.

I realize that as humans we are not perfect. So, how does one break the chain of negative learned behaviors? First, pray for insight from God. Second, honestly identify these behaviors. Third, select one that you wish to focus on. Fourth, keep a journal of your progress. Fifth, be consistent. Sixth, be patient, because change will take time.

Changing negative behaviors will have a positive impact on your children and future generations, thus making the world a better place. Focus on flipping the above list of negative behaviors into positive behaviors that you would be proud to see exhibited in your children. Remember when parenting (and whenever interacting with others), keep in mind “The Mirror Effect.”

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Daniel J. Paul is a retired school administrator. His columns focus on education, old-fashioned family values, relationships and other topics. Contact him at meaningfuldifferences@gmail.com.