Dear Annie: No thank-you
Dear Annie: Is it considered old-fashioned to send an actual thank-you by mail these days?
We attended the wedding of a relative last summer — the second wedding for both the bride and the groom. They had a big church wedding and a fancy reception. Many friends and relatives were there to share in their happy day, some traveling from out of state.
It’s now eight months later, and there has been zero acknowledgment of our wedding gift to them. I know that it didn’t get lost or misplaced, because I’ve asked other people who attended and found that no one has been thanked.
If we had been thanked via email or text, it would have been tacky, but at least we would have been thanked. Yes, people are busy these days, but it’s extremely rude to not thank people for attending a wedding and giving a gift.
Maybe the happy couple will see this and it will register. I’m not sure. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. — Tired of Rude People
Dear Tired of Rude People: No, it is not considered old-fashioned to write a thank-you note to your guests for attending your wedding and giving a gift. In fact, it is rude not to do so.
Handwritten notes are the most thoughtful way to show appreciation. An emailed thank-you suffices. If the people who gave gifts are just hearing crickets, that’s just plain rude.
Dear Annie: I read your response to “Husband of a Hoarder.” I have quite a lot of experience with this, seeing as my mother was a hoarder and I have some tendencies in that direction myself. If “Husband of a Hoarder’s” wife shrieks and yells, she is refusing to recognize that she has a problem, and though your idea of encouraging small victories is fine, she must want to recognize a problem and want to correct it. My mother never did.
You suggested Marie Kondo’s book. Though that’s good for some people, it’s very absolutist in its approach. I have found that commitment to a 15-session support group using the book “Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding” — by David F. Tolin, Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee — is better.
Saving and hoarding are two aspects of the problem, but the wife in the letter seems to have the serious issue of compulsive acquiring. Even if her husband makes inroads when it comes to getting stuff out, if more is coming in uncontrollably, he will make no headway.
Acquiring is still an issue for me, but the book makes people who want to change aware of why they are how they are. My mother never saw that she had a problem and hence never changed, and the only answer was getting dumpsters when she died. A sad reality. — Daughter of a Hoarder
Dear Daughter of a Hoarder: I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother. Thank you for sharing some great tips to overcome hoarding. I’m printing your letter in hopes that it helps other people struggling with a similar situation. Other readers wrote in recommending the same book, “Buried in Treasures.”
Congratulations on taking steps to seek help for yourself and sharing your experience with others.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now. Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.