Dear Annie: “Alex” is my ex-husband and the father of our two sons, ages 21 and 18. Alex and I married when we were young. I discovered that he had a lot of issues, and I left him after 15 years of marriage.

At that time, he finally went to therapy, something I had begged him to do for years. He was diagnosed with narcissism. He quit therapy because, in his words, there was nothing wrong with him but something wrong with the rest of the world.

I moved out of state, and both of our sons chose to stay with their father — the older for college and the younger for a job.

One problem I have is that my 21-year-old son, who is a man in my eyes, tells me about Alex’s not allowing him to go for walks because it’s dangerous and not allowing him to do normal things like take the car anywhere but to work. My son pays the insurance and doesn’t drink or have any friends. I can’t get into all the things, but Alex is extremely controlling.

Another issue is that I’m very worried that my younger child will end up giving Alex most of the money from his job.

Alex was married again to a woman who also has many problems. For instance, my older son has described the appalling meltdowns she has had with her 10-year-old son, so bad that a court ordered therapy for both of them.

If I say anything, my kids get angry with me. He’s their father and has them convinced of many things that are disturbing to me. He used to not let us ever open the curtains or go outside. I would have to sneak to take the kids to the park or to the beach to play. I know that he will complain 24 hours a day in order to get his way.

I am very concerned about my kids. I tried to get them into therapy so they would understand that his way of life is not normal, but he would always freak out over my trying to get them help.

Now that I live far away, I’m trying to visit them three or four times a year, but they won’t come here, as he has them afraid to fly. (Alex has never been on a plane.) I just keep telling both of them that I’m here for them, that they can always come here and get on their feet if they choose to move locations. I don’t know what else I can do to get them to see how wrong his way of life and behavior are. Any suggestions are welcome. — Worried Mother

Dear Worried Mother: If you’re only seeing your sons three or four times a year, you really are at a disadvantage for helping them. If you are concerned for their safety in any way, you should move closer to them.

Alex is clearly working against you and grooming them to be afraid of the world. You know that he is a narcissist and that his influence is not healthy on your children; remember that you are only a flight away. You should call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) for additional suggestions and support.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out Now. Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.