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Grandparenting without rivalry

Dear Annie: I’m a mom to a wonderful adult daughter, and we’ve always had a close bond. We live in the same neighborhood, and our grandkids can walk over to our house anytime. We spend a lot of time together as a family, and I cherish being a regular part of their lives.

My daughter’s mother-in-law used to live out of state and only visited a handful of times a year. When we were all at the same gatherings, my husband and I would intentionally leave after a reasonable time so she could enjoy being a grandma, too.

Now that she’s moved back in-state, she’s around more often, and we’re happy to include her in holidays and family events.

We still make it a point to step back and let her have plenty of time with the grandkids. To us, it’s important that the kids feel connected to all their family, not just one side.

So here’s my question: Is it unusual to be this intentional about sharing time as grandparents? I sometimes wonder if other families feel competitive or awkward in these situations. For us, it’s worked well to be generous with time and space, but I’d love to hear your take. — Just Trying to Share the Joy

Dear Share the Joy: What a breath of fresh air you are. Your approach is thoughtful, generous and rooted in love, not just for your grandchildren but for the whole family.

So often, I hear from readers who feel pushed aside or caught in quiet (or not-so-quiet) battles over grandparent time. You’ve chosen a path of cooperation instead of competition, and it sounds like everyone is better for it.

No, it’s not unusual to be intentional about sharing time, but sadly, it’s not always common, either. Your willingness to step back so another grandmother can build her own bond shows maturity, confidence and a deep understanding of what matters most: the well-being and joy of your grandchildren.

You’re modeling something really beautiful here, not only for your daughter and her in-laws but for the kids themselves. They’re learning what it looks like when family works together with kindness and respect.

Keep doing what you’re doing. The world and your family are lucky to have you.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now. Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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