Dear Annie: This situation has been bothering me for four years and is much more complicated, but I’ll try to be brief. I’m a horticulturist and plant collector and have lived in my home for 38 years. I’ve put my extra time and money into my perennial flower beds, and some of the plants in my collection are worth as much as $200.

Whenever my husband and I leave town — which happens often in the summer when we stay in another state — someone comes into our yard and digs up plants and flower bulbs. At first, I thought my son had taken them, but he said he hadn’t and then became angry when I asked if he had given anyone permission to do so.

In the past couple of years, things have escalated. While we were away, someone also took antiques from our home. This started around the time my husband sold his company and we came into several million dollars. I’ve begun to wonder whether resentment over that could be part of this — maybe even my own family members who feel they should be getting an early inheritance.

I’ve already gone to the police and am considering speaking with a lawyer. I also discovered unknown IP addresses logged onto my Wi-Fi while we were gone that appear to have bypassed my security system. This is a serious crime, so I’m hesitant to prosecute, but I believe I have a case.

My husband is battling lung cancer, and I’m already under enough stress. I feel this is totally diabolical and that my son needs to know, but I don’t know how to bring it to light. What can I do? — A Very Sad Baba

Dear Sad Baba: Losing plants and treasured belongings is upsetting under any circumstance, but even more troubling is the feeling that your home has been violated.

Before assuming the worst, focus on practical steps. Every incident should be documented with the police. If you don’t already have security cameras, consider installing them. Ask an IT professional to review your home network to see whether it has truly been compromised. After four years of this, consulting a lawyer is more than reasonable. It’s essential. See what options you may have.

And yes, come clean with your son about what’s been happening. Stick to the facts rather than suspicions. Whether he knows more than he first let on or not, time will tell. But he should know what you’ve been dealing with, and you deserve to share the burden with someone.

You’ve endured this quietly for far too long. It’s time to bring this into the open and start protecting yourself and your home.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now. Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.