Annie Lane

Dear Annie: Spring break is coming, and instead of feeling excited, I feel like I’m bracing for impact.

We have school-aged kids, and every year this week turns into a mix of pressure, money stress and hurt feelings. Some families we know are doing big trips — skiing, the Caribbean, Disney, you name it. My kids hear about it at school and come home with that look that says, “Why aren’t we doing something like that?” I try to stay upbeat, but it stings, especially because I work hard and still feel like I’m coming up short.

Here’s the bigger issue: My spouse and I can’t agree on what spring break should look like. He thinks if we’re not traveling, we’re “wasting” the week. He starts sending me listings and itineraries and talking about “making memories.” I don’t disagree — I just also see the credit card bill, the laundry pile and the fact that I’m already exhausted. The thought of airports, packing, spending a fortune and coming home to catch up on everything makes me want to hide under a blanket.

When I suggest a simpler plan — day trips, a couple of fun outings, maybe a night at a nearby hotel — he acts disappointed, like I’m the reason our kids won’t have a magical childhood. Then I get defensive, and suddenly we’re arguing about something that’s supposed to be fun.

I want my kids to have a great spring break. I also want to feel like I can breathe. How do we stop turning this into a referendum on our parenting — and our marriage — every single year? — Spring Break Stress Case

Dear Spring Break: You are not only arguing about what your family will do for spring break. You are arguing about what it all means — love, effort, good parenting, and whether your family is keeping up. No wonder making this decision feels so loaded.

Try to agree on one shared goal, such as making sure that no matter what you decide to do, your kids feel cared for and you do not come home broke and burned out. Then build a plan that honors both of your wishes. Let your spouse choose one big memorable moment, like an overnight trip, a special outing or a surprise. You set the guardrails with the budget, the travel distance and a schedule that you can actually manage. A simple week can still feel special when it is planned with intention.

Also, do not underestimate what kids remember as they grow up and look back at their childhoods. They do not need a luxurious vacation. They need you to be present and not resentful. That is key to creating happy, everlasting memories as a family.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.