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Dear Annie: Seven years ago, I retired and moved to a different state.
A friend of mine who lives in my old town has continuously used my new house like her personal hotel. She has family and friends in my area and will text, "Are you open to company?" when she wants to come visit. When she does, she only sleeps at my house while she does business or sees her other friends.
This last visit, she gave me a day and a half notice and then stayed for nine nights. She never says when she's leaving, and I had to tell her on night nine that it was time for her to go. She seemed genuinely hurt by it, but she did leave the next day.
In the past, I've been very generous with this woman, even letting her stay at my house for six months a decade ago when she was having marital problems. On that occasion, I had to take care of my elderly mother for a few days at my house, and she just packed up and left without telling me.
I used to include her in my annual beach trips until two years ago, when her behavior got so bad that I vowed never to invite her again. Since then, we exchanged occasional texts and phone calls, until this last "hotel" experience.
We're both senior citizens, and I'm a widow. We've both changed over the course of our friendship, and we have nothing in common. Conversations with her can be very unpleasant.
How do I end this hotel dynamic without being mean or ghosting her? I tend to stay clear of drama. I've written letters before when I've had issues with people, but no matter how nicely I try to explain things, I always get backlash. -- Tired of Being a Best Western
Dear Best Western: You don't need to end the friendship to close the hotel. The next time she asks if you're "open to company," simply tell her you're no longer able to host overnight guests.
You don't need to write a long letter explaining every grievance. The more reasons you give, the more there will be to argue about. She may be disappointed or even angry, but you've been more than generous with your home. You're allowed to decide who's welcome to stay in it.
If you'd still like to see her, offer to meet for coffee or lunch when she's in town instead. And if you've truly outgrown the friendship, it's OK to let it fade on its own.
Dear Annie: I'm writing in response to "Unable To Forgive," the woman whose husband died at the hands of a texter on the road. She felt there was no justice, and I felt heartbroken for her and her daughter.
I see so many drivers on their phones and/or driving erratically without any thought for others. One outlet may be to channel her grief into making sure this doesn't happen to other families, such as sharing her story with local news outlets, fighting to have laws changed so there's mandatory jail time for drivers who commit these crimes, or even filing a civil suit against the driver.
I know that a civil suit can be expensive, but maybe there's a lawyer out there willing to help her. There are good people everywhere, and I hope they hear her story. -- Driven To Make a Difference
Dear Driven: Thank you for your letter. While nothing will bring back this husband and father, I agree that his family may find some small sense of peace by helping others who've suffered the same loss -- or by working to spare another family from it.
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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now. Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.