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Dear Annie: I have worked for the same company for six years and, until recently, truly enjoyed my job. I have always had strong reviews, good relationships with my co-workers and a reputation for being dependable.
Eight months ago, we got a new boss, and the entire mood of the office changed.
She rarely raises her voice or says anything openly cruel. Instead, she criticizes people in subtle ways, changes instructions and later insists that we misunderstood her, and often questions employees in front of the group. She will praise an idea one week and act as though it was a terrible decision the next.
Recently, I gave a presentation I had spent days preparing. In the middle of it, she interrupted me in front of everyone and asked whether I had "actually checked" my numbers. I had. Later, she admitted privately that she had been looking at an outdated report, but she never corrected the impression she created in front of my co-workers.
Several people on my team are unhappy. One has already left, and another is quietly job hunting. I have started dreading Sunday nights and second-guessing myself at work, which is not like me.
I do not expect my boss to be my friend, and I can handle constructive criticism. But I am beginning to wonder whether this is simply a difficult management style or something I should take more seriously.
Should I speak to her directly, go to Human Resources or start looking for another job? -- Walking on Eggshells
Dear Walking: A good boss can challenge you without making you question your sanity.
Start by keeping careful notes and having one calm, private conversation with her. If the pattern continues, take your concerns to HR with specific examples. Remember to stick to the facts and not get emotions involved. And in the meantime, polish your resume. Sometimes the best way to stop walking on eggshells is to find a floor that isn't covered in them.
Dear Annie: My family has an 8-year-old golden retriever who has been having recurring nosebleeds for the past few months. We love him dearly, and every time it happens, we panic. We have taken him to the vet, but we are still in the process of figuring out what is causing it.
The hardest part is the waiting and worrying. I find myself imagining the worst and constantly checking on him. My husband tells me I am making myself sick with anxiety, but I can't help it. Our dog has been part of our family for years, and the thought of something serious happening to him is heartbreaking.
How do you stay calm when a beloved pet is having health problems and you don't yet have answers? -- Worried Dog Mom
Dear Worried: Anyone who has loved a pet knows they are never "just a dog." They are family, and uncertainty can be the hardest part.
Keep pursuing the medical answers your dog needs, but try not to let your imagination diagnose him before the veterinarian does. Worry feels productive, but it rarely changes the outcome.
Focus on what you can do today: Keep him comfortable, follow the vet's advice and enjoy your time with him. Dogs are wonderfully good at living in the present. Sometimes they have something to teach us about doing the same.
"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now. Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.