Daniel J. Paul

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness, will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brenè Brown

Turning slowly, he walked out the door, realizing that another chapter in his life had closed. Another with tears rolling down his face stared out the window, engulfed by sorrow and accompanied by a sense of what else is there to life and is this all that is left — emptiness? Still another, shaking his head, baffled by a feeling of how such a close friend could be so callous and cold in his treatment.

Underlying the loss, emptiness, sorrow and hurt is an emotional vulnerability that is many times not observable to the human eye. It lies deeply hidden within the human psyche. This vulnerability may be exposed in various actions, such as placing an abnormal amount of trust in others, an increased reliance on others to make decisions, or elevated concern over acceptance by others.

Harboring these fragile reactions to compensate for the above emotions could place one at the mercy of another who may take advantage of the situation in these ways —

— Guilt: Some may take advantages by guilting the person to participate in an activity or function.

— Financial gain: Others may seek to garner influence over another’s finances for ulterior motives.

— Trust: Some individuals will attempt to build a false wall of trust so that they can exert control.

— Isolation: Others may attempt to isolate that individual from their normal support group, thus exerting and increasing their control.

— Support: Some are like a chameleon — a reptile that can change skin color to adapt to the environment — and mask their true feeling of caring and lull the individual into a false sense of security.

To avoid such pitfalls, here are some positive suggestions — with the caution that these changes do not happen overnight, but require time, patience, consistency, and determination —

— Emotion: Identify and embrace the emotions that accompanied various events that have impacted one’s life.

— Self-esteem: Improve one’s self-esteem, remembering that it is important to focus on one’s strengths and build on that; rather than dwell on weakness, engage in activities that bring joy, flipping the script on negative self-talk.

— Boundaries: Establish realistic boundaries and practice assertive communication; you need to protect yourself. Above all, be consistent — say what you mean and mean what you say.

— Red flags: Identifying red flags in others’ behaviors and communications, then taking appropriate measures will be an asset and may prevent one from being vulnerable.

— Support group: Identify and utilize friends and relatives whom one trusts, who will be available to consult in an open, trusting dialogue.

As humans, we constantly have to deal with our emotions. Emotional vulnerability is a part of that, but that in itself could open one to be an easy target. So, to avoid this, we need to protect ourselves in a number of ways, such as setting boundaries, improving self-esteem, and others. By taking care of ourselves, such as developing skills, will enable us to navigate challenging people and situations. Also, in this process pray for guidance from our Lord. God bless you all!

“Once you have accepted your emotional vulnerabilities, no one can use them against you.” – George R.R. Martin