Daniel J. Paul

“Your values become your destiny.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

In disbelief, he stared at the speaker, baffled by what he was hearing and attempted to read his expression, but no emotion was evident.

The discussion was to center on a specific topic but the speaker deliberately veered away from it. It was apparent to everyone involved that his (the speaker’s) intent was to dominate the meeting. Frustration and resentment were displayed by all in attendance, either by facial expressions or body language. This continued to the point where any objectives for the meeting were cast aside.

The above scenario depicts when people selfishly place their own needs above everyone else. This could occur in discussions with family, clubs, businesses or meetings. This behavior marginalizes individuals and can damage the group’s cohesiveness, breeds discord and fuels resentment, thus making it extremely difficult for people to work together.

So, how can one effectively and productively resolve this concern? Here are a few ideas —

— Individual: Initially, discreetly set up a private meeting with the person and diplomatically discuss with them your take on what had transpired.

— Compassion/understanding: Try to place yourself in the other person’s shoes. That person may be going through a crisis or completely unaware of how others were perceiving what was being said.

— Honesty: When discussing what had transpired, be open and honest and focus on the facts. For example, dominating/controlling the meeting.

— Patience: Throughout the meeting, practice patience and understanding. Instead of saying you did this or that — which would make the person defensive — try to rephrase it so to be less confrontational. For example, you may say, “Let’s work together to find a better way or approach in a different manner.”

When engaging in a private discussion with a challenging individual, one can utilize productive skills, such as compassion, understanding, honesty and patience. Incorporating these skills will thus aid in placing values over voices.

I hope and pray that some of these suggestions work for you. God bless all of you!

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

— Steve Jobs

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Daniel J. Paul is a retired school administrator. His columns focus on education, old-fashioned family values, relationships and other topics. Contact him at meaningfuldifferences@gmail.com.