Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I work remotely and rent a small guesthouse on a property owned by a retired couple, “Tom” and “Linda.” They live in the main house and are kind, but recently their friendliness has crossed into something more intrusive.

At first, it was small things; Linda would wave and come chat while I was outside on a break, or Tom would ask about my work. Lately, though, they’ve started popping by unannounced. One afternoon, Tom let himself into my yard to “check the sprinkler,” and yesterday, Linda knocked on my door with cookies and stayed for almost an hour, even after I mentioned I had a work deadline.

I appreciate their generosity, and I don’t want to be rude, especially since I live on their property. But I moved here for quiet and privacy, and it’s starting to feel like I’m living under constant watch. I’m not sure how to ask for space without sounding ungrateful or creating tension.

How do I set boundaries without making things awkward? — Guest, Not a Grandchild

Dear Guest: It’s perfectly reasonable to want privacy, even when you have kind and generous landlords. Setting boundaries will help you protect your peace and prevent any resentment.

Start with appreciation, and then make your request clear. Something like: “I’ve really enjoyed living here and appreciate how welcoming you’ve been, but since I work remotely, I have to treat my home like an office during the day. Even quick visits can throw off my schedule.” You can even suggest alternative times that you’d be open to a check-in, but only if you’re genuinely OK with it.

If they’re as kind as they seem, they’ll understand once they realize your need for space isn’t personal.

Dear Annie: I’ve given my nephew birthday and Christmas gifts every year, despite rarely receiving a thank-you, let alone any love or appreciation from him. I work very hard and have limited funds. I’ve stressed the importance of thank yous to him and have probably received one gift from him in my lifetime.

He’s now married to someone just as selfish, and I’m expected to give to her, too, supposedly because she’s had a hard life. Their parents should’ve taught them better! They don’t stay in touch, never invite me over and only show up during the holidays to collect gifts. I doubt they’d be there for me if I ever had an emergency.

I’m tempted to stop giving altogether. Is that unreasonable? — Taken for Granted

Dear Taken for Granted: It’s not unreasonable at all. Even if your nephew and his wife aren’t in a position to give gifts in return, there’s no excuse for not saying thank you or showing some appreciation, both of which are free.

If you come across something that feels meaningful and you genuinely want to give it to them, do it on your terms, but not because you feel obligated to. It’s also OK to stop with the gifting entirely. Allow yourself to let go of any guilt. You’ve already been more than generous.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.