To curtail a public health crisis, Wisconsin wants to ban soft drinks from anyone under 21. After all, they contain sugar, which is correlated with diabetes and obesity.

Did I say soft drinks? That was incorrect. There’s not much money in soda bans — yet — so most politicians won’t touch them. I’ll start over.

Wisconsin wants to ban fast food from anyone under 21 to curtail a public health crisis, obesity. Wait, I did it again. What was I thinking? There’s not much money in going after fast food consumers — yet.

Candy? Because it’s addictive and leads down a path of unhealthy — wait, no money in it.

What was it they were trying to outlaw military and voting-aged adults from doing? Something pretty similar to sugar or fast food or soft drinks or candy or skateboarding or skiing or riding a bicycle down a busy street…

Similar except for the bottomless pit of pharmaceutical money behind stopping it. Because they make competing products. Some kind of gum or patch or lozenge or pill… It’s why some hospitals and colleges and foundries hard-up for cash suddenly ban all non-pharmaceutical forms of it. I know I can think of it…

Oh, right! It was vaping! And did I say pharmaceutical money? I meant to say their reason is 193 out of millions had a respiratory issue of an unspecified severity after vaping an unspecified quantity an unspecified amount of time earlier. That’s the “public health crisis.” It’s real! Forget what I said about the money.