Dear Annie: I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am jealous of my best friend.

“Claire” and I have been close for more than 20 years. We met in college, stood in each other’s weddings and raised our children alongside one another. She has always been the person I could tell anything to.

Over the past year, though, everything in her life seems to have fallen into place. Her husband received a big promotion, they bought a beautiful new house and her daughter was accepted into her first-choice college. Meanwhile, my husband was laid off, we are worried about money and my son is struggling in school.

Last month, Claire invited us over for dinner. She spent much of the evening talking about renovations, vacations and how “blessed” they feel. I smiled and congratulated her, but on the drive home I burst into tears. Since then, I have avoided her calls because I hate the person I become around her. She recently left me a message asking whether she had done something to upset me, and I have not had the courage to call her back.

Claire has not done anything wrong. She has been kind to me and would probably be heartbroken if she knew how I felt. I truly love her, but right now her happiness seems to shine a light on everything that is going wrong in my own life.

How do I stop comparing myself to someone I care about? And is it possible to be happy for a friend when you are deeply unhappy yourself? — Green with Guilt

Dear Green with Guilt: Jealousy does not make you a bad friend. It makes you human — and, right now, you’re a hurting one.

Claire’s good fortune is landing on the tenderest parts of your own life. That is painful to deal with, but it is not her fault, and avoiding her will only add guilt to an already heavy load. Call her back. You do not need to confess every jealous thought you’ve had since that dinner. Simply tell her you have been overwhelmed by what is happening at home and have pulled away.

As the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Claire’s happiness is not proof of your failure. Life is not a race, though it sometimes feels as if everyone else got a head start. You two are simply going through much different times in your lives right now. Let this be a time where you allow your friend to be there for you. Having her support will likely feel much better than sitting in silence and avoiding her next phone call.

A good friendship can survive an honest rough season. Let Claire be your friend, not your measuring stick.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now. Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.